I have had some bad experiences with lies. I have been lied to by ex-girlfriends, friends and even family. I am at the point that when I know I am not being lied to I think of reasons why someone can or would lie to me and then in the back of my mind, I am thinking they are even when they aren't. In other words I am very paranoid. I am the type of person that can't trust again once I am lied to. I hate it, I do because I know people make mistakes but this is how I handle lies I guess.
I know exactly what you're going through and the feelings you're describing. It's honestly a roller coaster for me. Being able to trust someone again is fucking awful, especially when feelings are attached. What you're doing to yourself is a defense mechanism or at least, that's what it is for me. I assume that person is lying to me and give myself various reasons why, get myself used to the idea, and make myself feel all of the various negative emotions surrounding it, this way, when I do eventually find out the truth, if it is what I thought, it won't hurt more, it's like I'm used to the pain. Rereading that, I realize how fucked up that sounds,but hey, I'm fixing that. So now I've been trying to reteach myself how to handle my anxiety. You have to realize that this way of thinking and whatever actions come of it can and probably are hurting the people around you. Don't close yourself off from others and don't bottle up your feelings. The best thing you can do is to talk with the people in your life and explain why you are feeling this way. If they're decent human beings, they'll be understanding and try to come up with a way to erase some of these anxieties. I'm not entirely sure if this came out right. Its 1 am and I drank a 24 oz coffee from Wawa today around 4pm and it was the worst decision of my life and now I'm just sitting here drawing fucking tacos. like what even is life, man
First of all, to decrease the sick feeling of lies, you must underatand that there are 3 types of lies, negative, positive and neutral. Understanding which is which might help you decide how serious is the lie and if it's worth losing trust in other person over it. Other options that I tried were talking to those people and telling them "Sorry, but I see your bullshit, can you stop that?" or deciding to trust only myself. To be honest I believe it's some kind of medical condition, at least in my case. Best option is to live with the fact you have trust issues and have 1 person that you know you can trust so you don't go insane. Hope I somehow helped!
